Kamby Bolongo Mean River Read online

  Mother never wanted us to see a naked woman herself. Whenever we would watch a movie together and it looked like the woman was about to be naked Mother would change the channel instead.

  Sometimes she would turn the television off because of the filth. She would say television is filth and we shouldn't watch it all the time.

  This is when Mother would find something nice on the radio for us to listen to. Sometimes it was a talk show and other times opera and always Charlie would get up to go to his room and leave me alone with Mother and the radio.

  Should the phone ring what might come back is what radio people call dead air. Dead air is similar to nothing. In fact it is the same thing. Nothing is dead air the same way dead air is nothing.

  Charlie and I would listen to Charlie's radio together whenever there wasn't any boxing or movies on. Whenever there was dead air we would look at each other like maybe something happened to Charlie's radio. We thought maybe Charlie's radio was broken. Then the radio people would say something about dead air and go on with the show.

  Charlie had a big fancy radio in his room and I had only a small transistor for mine. This is because Charlie bought his radio himself and Mother couldn't afford to get me the same one. I asked her for one that Christmas and she told me she couldn't afford it because she was unemployed again. She said her boss wanted her to work late and she knew what that meant so she got herself fired instead. She said she was sorry and that maybe next year things would be different.

  I can't remember if things were different next year but they probably weren't so why bother.

  Charlie's radio had a dual cassette player and all kinds of buttons that did fancy things. It even came with a microphone so that we could make recordings. Charlie recorded most of my performances one summer and we gave it to Mother as a Christmas gift even though she probably didn't appreciate it.

  I've never been on the radio myself but I've heard radio people talk about dead air plenty of times. Radio people hate dead air the way callers hate it when you pretend to be the person they intended to call.

  I would listen to my transistor after Mother gave me my pills and I pretended to fall asleep so she'd go away. I kept it under my bed so she wouldn't find it. I think if I'd kept it under my head pillow she would've found it which is why I didn't keep it there. Why I think this is because of the way she tucked me in goodnight. She would fluff my head pillow for me before I got the chance to lay my head on it. So I kept the transistor under my bed and I listened to baseball games once Mother went away. There was never any boxing on so it was baseball games I had to listen to.

  Mother would ask me why I needed so many pillows. She would say why do you need so many pillows like that. I would answer her by falling asleep as quickly as I could.

  Radio people are in show business the same as actors. Mother wanted me to go into show business on account of my ear. She said my kind of talent was one in a million and who could argue.

  I did try to act once in school but I was horrible at it. The teacher told me this herself. She said you are a horrible actor like that.

  The trouble was she made me use my own voice instead of my ear.

  This is when Mother sent me for singing lessons instead. I only had two because Mother got herself fired again and couldn't afford it anymore.

  The singing teacher had me sing scales up and down and then she taught me vibrato. If my singing teacher taught me anything this is what she taught me.

  There is no telling if Charlie Robertson is a good actor or not or if his teacher ever told him he was horrible. There is no telling if he's ever played an MP or security guard on stage even once in his career. That's because he's not real.

  Charlie Robertson is not the same as my brother Charlie. How you can tell them apart is Charlie Robertson is the hypothetical actor I made up and Charlie is my real life brother.

  I made up the hypothetical actor Charlie Robertson to piss Charlie off.

  Charlie likes to think he is the only Charlie in the world.

  What separates Charlie from other Charlies is he's left handed which is another reason he was a lousy boxer.

  This is why Charlie could never remember to keep his left up because to him his left was his right and vice-versa.

  When dead air happens it is important to keep it dead. One shouldn't speak to interrupt dead air. Once air is dead it should stay dead is another way of saying what I'm saying.

  There is no saving dead air is another way.

  Should the phone ring it might not be an actual person on the other end. It might be a military policeman or security guard. Everybody knows military policemen and security guards are not real people. They don't look real and they don't talk real. They are supposed to stand in their uniforms and look unreal and patrol for intruders. Only unreal people can do this. Only unreal people can become MPs and security guards.

  The same goes for actors. Actors are likewise unreal.

  Should the phone ring it might be a recording of an actual person. In some ways these people are professional actors playing the part of a salesperson. They pretend to be lifelike. They affect a voice that cannot be real and cannot be the voice they talk around with all day. People recognize this voice at once and when they do they roll their eyes. People sometimes let out a breath as if they've been jabbed in the stomach with a nightstick when they hear this voice.

  Even if this voice is someone you know like your mother or brother you still don't want to hear this voice. Even if you know your mother or brother does this for a living and they rely on selling people things over the phone to keep themselves off the street you still don't want to hear this voice.

  They use your name with this voice over and over like doctors in white coats do. Most often this person is trying to sell you something for your house. People without houses probably don't receive these calls or if they do they probably get upset when these calls come. These people are doubly bothered by these calls because they are reminded they are too poor to have their own house. They probably say how dare you offer me a free gizmo with my purchase in that ridiculous voice you're affecting at me right now.

  This is how Mother would talk to these people on the phone. Mother would tell them how she gave birth to Charlie and me and that it tore her insides out. She'd say the three of us would be on the street soon because she was unemployed and the world was cruel and unusual. She'd say she was a good employee but her bosses wanted her to work overtime so she gets fired instead.

  I am the same way when I get these calls. This is how you know Mother did give birth to me the way she said. Charlie used to say we were both adopted but Mother wouldn't adopt anyone she didn't give birth to and we all looked too much like each other to be adopted anyway. Charlie looked like Mother and I looked like Charlie.

  Charlie would say this adoption talk to be funny which he almost never was.

  I yell into the receiver forgetting there is no one on the other end listening. I yell into the receiver for a good minute or two before I realize this. I tell them I am the only one here and that Charlie has never been here and Mother neither. I tell them that Charlie hasn't been the same since the boxing and that he is a sad case.

  Instead of hanging up then I tell them they should call Charlie themselves and see what Charlie has to say for himself. I tell them to give Charlie my regards.

  The trouble is I feel like an idiot whenever this happens to me. I don't know why this happens but because it also happened to Mother is why I think it might be normal.

  Mother would also get upset like this when she had jury duty.

  I remember Mother got called for jury duty and had to miss work for two weeks and this was another time she got herself fired.

  I asked Mother why she got called for jury duty.

  Mother said she didn't know.

  I asked her if it was going to be a hung jury and she had me read the dictionary instead of answering.

  This time it was Fs and I memorized frigid and fringe an
d fritter and frivolous which means beside the point which is what I always told Mother reading the dictionary was like.

  This is when I most want to pretend like I am an actor playing a military policeman or security guard because actors who play MPs or security guards never yell into a telephone and feel like idiots. Actors and MPs and security guards know better. They know better because they are better.

  If I was better I wouldn't be here.

  If I was better I'd be somewhere acting on a stage as an MP or security guard and after the performance everyone would clap and say doesn't he have a great ear.

  I always wonder what the person who recorded the message is doing while their recorded voice is trying to sell me something I have no use for and I am yelling and cursing at them.

  That is something Mother would say to me and Charlie when she wanted us to set the table or make our beds. She would say why don't you make yourself useful.

  I made myself useful when Mother and I visited Charlie in the hospital. This was from when Charlie had his jaw wired shut and couldn't eat solid food. Mother tried to put his coleslaw in the blender but you know Charlie.

  Instead Charlie lost twenty-five pounds in two weeks and we had to take him to the hospital. The doctors said he was malnourished and dehydrated. They said he would need intensive care so that's where they put him.

  The day we went to visit Charlie in intensive care we asked for Charlie at the front desk and the front desk said we should go into the doctor's office ourselves. When we got in there there were two doctors talking about Charlie's case except they were doing this in Spanish.

  I think one of the doctors said someone named Maria Conchita took sandwiches and coleslaw from the hospital. Why I think this is he said the word sangre which I think is Spanish for sandwiches and coleslaw. The doctor who said this was called Doctor Sixto. There was a younger doctor to his right who called him Doctor Sixto whenever they said something to each other. This other doctor was an idiot because he had nothing else to say for himself other than yes Doctor Sixto or no Doctor Sixto.

  This is when Mother asked about Charlie. She said where is Charlie and what is wrong with him like that.

  Doctor Sixto crossed his legs and the idiot doctor to his right handed him a cigar. Above the two of them on the wall was a picture of a young woman. Her hands were folded under her chin and she was looking down so that you couldn't see her eyes.

  This is the kind of picture the doctors here show me and then ask what I think about it. They want to know who I think the young woman is. They want to know her name how old she is where she lives does she have any brothers and sisters and why she is looking down.

  So I say her name is Maria Conchita she is sixteen years old she lives in Alaska she has a brother named Charlie and she is looking down because Mother is yelling at her with a ladle so what do you expect.

  At the hospital Doctor Sixto ran the cigar under his nose and this is when Mother said this is too much. I think I said I couldn't agree more but I can't remember. I think Mother gave me too many pills that morning so it's hard to remember.

  Otherwise the doctors here gave me too many pills this morning which amounts to the same thing.

  Doctor Sixto had a thin gray mustache and was halfway bald and looked like an old bullfighter to me. It looked like he had been alive a long time almost from the advent of animals and people.

  So again we told him we needed to find Charlie and that he was malnourished and dehydrated and in intensive care.

  Instead of answering us Doctor Sixto said something in Spanish to the idiot doctor. He was holding the cigar in his hand but wasn't smoking it.

  By this time Mother said she was going to contact her attorney which was a lie because she didn't have one then.

  So we went back to the front desk and this time they told us where Charlie was. We took the elevator up to intensive care and it was real heartbreak once we got up there.

  They had Charlie hooked up to three different tubes and a hose running into his mouth so he could breathe easy. Mother said look at what they did to your brother Charlie and I said I know. Mother said this is real heartbreak and I said who can argue.

  This is when Mother said why don't you make yourself useful and go down to the cafeteria and get me cigarettes. She handed me a twenty dollar bill and said I should order myself a sandwich.

  I rode the elevator down with two security guards and a nurse and I asked them where the cafeteria was and they all told me it was on the first floor to the right.

  These security guards were handsome in their uniforms and said it was on the first floor to the right with authority.

  What happened next was I ordered myself a sandwich and sat down in the cafeteria next to a woman drinking coffee. There was nowhere else to sit and I didn't want to eat my sandwich standing up so this is what I had to do. I also didn't want to eat it in front of Charlie because of how malnourished he was.

  You know how jealous he gets.

  I opened my sandwich from the wrapper and the woman next to me said the doctors can't tell me why my husband died.

  I said I'll get Mother for you she's upstairs.

  Then she said I think it's because they killed him and don't want me to sue.

  I told her Charlie was upstairs in intensive care and had tubes eating and breathing for him. I told her Mother is in his room right now waiting for me to bring her cigarettes.

  She said I should've asked questions is what I think.

  Then she said the lawyers were pleased to tell me about the house though. They aren't worried about litigation like the doctors. Otherwise they are the exact same people.

  I said really but what I wanted to do was take my sandwich and leave. I didn't want to go back up to intensive care but I had nowhere else to go. What I wanted to say to this lady was I'm fine which means please stop talking.

  But Mother said I wasn't allowed to be rude so I had no choice.

  The woman said the doctors who killed my husband are the lawyers who told me about the house. There are three of them all with the same parts in their hair and the same bifocals.

  I told her Charlie has to wear glasses when he reads which was another lie.

  This is when she said I think I accused them of moonlighting though sometimes when I remember it I accused them of gaslighting.

  I told her I'm not sure there is a difference.

  She said they looked at me funny both times which is something I'm used to since my husband died. When they were lawyers they wanted to hand me papers have me sign the papers and get me out of the office without touching anything. People are like that around a newly widowed widow.

  She said it's like you're contagious.

  She said you see people holding their breath.

  I told her I didn't think Charlie was contagious but you can't be too careful regardless.

  She said my husband never told me he owned another house.

  I said I bet that isn't the only thing he never told you.

  She said you're sweet.

  She said you remind me of my nephew.

  She said he's dead now too.

  I said what's your nephew's name and she answered by saying the house my husband left me isn't what you'd think of when you think of husbands leaving wives houses.

  I said what's it like then.

  She said at the end of a private dirt road with trees and bushes lining both sides is a musty bungalow. There are two wings to the bungalow on opposite sides of the kitchen. There is no furniture in any of the rooms and no appliances in the kitchen. That first day I examined each room looking for signs of life. Other than a team of spiders and other insects I don't think anyone has ever lived there.

  I said it sounds a lot like our house except we have a black and white television in the living room.

  She said what happened to Charlie why is he upstairs in intensive care.

  I said he forgot to keep his left up again.

  She said I've decided not to live i
n this house.

  I said you can stay with us if Mother says it's okay.

  She said it didn't take me long to come to this decision. I didn't have to consult anyone and I don't have to answer to anyone either. I did consider burning the house to the ground but I don't know how to go about that sort of thing.

  I told her if Charlie wakes up he could help you with that if you want.

  Then she said I didn't consider this for too long.

  She said there's no one I want to give this house to as a gift either.

  She said no one I know deserves a house.

  This is when I took the last bite of my sandwich and told her I had to go back upstairs to see my brother Charlie in intensive care.

  She took a sip of her coffee and didn't look up.

  Once I got back upstairs Mother said it was time to leave which we all thanked God for.

  I never saw that woman again so I don't know whatever became of her or that house. I didn't tell Mother about the woman either.

  Should the phone ring it might be one of the voices trying to sell insurance. They tell you there is no obligation and they offer a free quote. I never ask them what kind of insurance because why bother. I don't think I have insurance and I don't think I need it.